Walking into unknowns inevitably forces us to throw our trust into forces outside of our control. We have to believe that we can make it through, that those who have gone before us and managed are similar to us, and we can do the same. We look to others, to positives of the situation, to those little glimmers that bring you faith and strength. This is one of the most uncomfortable and exhilarating things about new experiences, about stepping into places that you’ve never been. When it boils down to it, when you are in a season that is entirely new to you, you can’t trust yourself with much of anything; you simply have to rest assured in something else. Spiritually, it’s some fertile soil to dwell in… emotionally, it can be a bit more like off-roading in an ill-equipped vehicle (bumpy and occasionally scary).
This is where God slowly draws me out of my comfort zone; he challenges me to trust him as I walk on pathways that I’ve never tread. He whittles down my belief in myself, and allows me to see him work in the factors that are beyond my reach. In the journey that requires walking a thin line; balancing your fear with your faith, God’s works seem so much more evident. There is a sense of gratitude that is much stronger when the things you hoped for, prayed for and longed for come true... and you had no way of achieving it on your own.
God has already answered some of my prayers, and shown me how he is concerned with and providing for my needs. I need to continue to remind myself of what he does for me, and keep my eyes open and aware of the things he is doing, so that I can give Him all glory and praise.
A couple of weeks before I left for Japan I received an e-mail from the teacher that I have replaced at my branch school. She welcomed me to the school, and encouraged me to feel free to ask her anything. She also asked why I had chosen Japan and this job; I replied and told her that a lot of my reasoning for choosing Japan was based on my relationship with God. Her response back was that she was a Christian and she was so excited to know that I was a Christian too. I met Aubrey when I moved to Kusatsu and I couldn’t have arranged a better way to start my life here. Her and I worked together in my first week as she introduced me to all the students and the classes and helped to adjust to this new life. She also took me with her on my first weekend to meet some of the Christians she knows in Osaka; a mixture of locals, foreigners and missionaries that are serving God here in Japan. This was truly an answer to prayer as I was worried about if I could have deep Christian relationships in a country that has a largely atheist population, (and a language barrier). I’m also praying about opportunities to minister to people here; and am trusting in God to use me as he see’s fit.
The job of being an English teacher is also quite an adventure. In the past weeks I’ve had everything from helping a doctor translate conversations into English to help her patients, to having a 4 year old boy fall asleep on me... twice. I run, chase, tickle, carry, restrain, sing to and jump with rambunctious toddlers. I feel as though I could do my own kids show after a couple of weeks of teaching and entertaining these kids. I then teach school-aged children; which also requires a lot of creativity to keep them happy and engaged as their English classes are in addition to regular school. I also have some classes with older middle and high school aged students whose English level is higher; and there is more room for free conversation. It’s a job with very long hours, and I know I will need to remind myself to engage in a life outside of work. Over next month or so, while I’m still learning the ropes, I think my life will be very work focused.
I’m learning… slowly… as I seem to learn all important things at a turtle’s pace, that trusting in God, for me, is suspending my emotions and finding that confidant truth within my heart. To know that God is bigger than it all; from this place of shaky trust taking those first somewhat restrained, but none the less freeing steps. Those steps are the physical choices we make, the discomfort that we walk into, the new experience that requires more than we could ever give. To know that where you end, God begins.. filling in the gap between what you need and what you have.
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